I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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