I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
