I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Two words: blizzard sex
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
