we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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