i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
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I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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