did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize