ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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