I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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