she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize