did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
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Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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I just started talking about how noodles were so good
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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