i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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