we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
