I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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