the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
