are you still at the devil's house?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
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I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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