well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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