I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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