planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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