Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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