I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize