Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
