fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
