This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
