He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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