He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
