Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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