We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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