I'm so fucking centered right now
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
