I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
bring money and cleavage
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
