so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
