You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
