can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you had me at cake vodka
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
