I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
