your room smells of hookers.
And success
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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