one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Buhtt sex?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
