I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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