he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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