So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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