all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
