hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
