i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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