i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
