i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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