yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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