also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
