Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
