I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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