Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
