i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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