i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
