I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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