paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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