He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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