My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
