weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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