Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
