Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
