Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
