need another drink. this is the easiest way
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
