just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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