I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
