I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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