Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
