i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
