hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
