six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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