I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
