i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
COCAINE IS GR8
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
